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Something to Think About

I have been doing more and more writing lately and I realize how it helps me in the interpretation of my daily life and how it helps me to regulate a positive self image. And for me self image is a tough thing. No one is as hard on themselves as I am on me. Ok, of course there is someone harder on themself, unfortunately I'm guessing most of those end up as suicides. I'm talking about living and maintaining, minus happy drugs.

I just can't do the happy drug thing. They seem to screw my head up more than they help me and I just can't abide my that. Mostly what I wanted to say is three cheers for writing more. Now if I just find more people into reading more of what I write maybe I'll be getting somewhere.

The Best

So, maybe this right now is the best I can do. Writing little bits and pieces around the web. At least at this point I'm putting it out there, which is far better than I have ever managed to do before. I know I'm not publishing books, writing for magazines, or knocking out scripts, but at the same time I have build a nice cache of work and have finished my first real, solid one act play. That's something right?

Now I just wish people would read what I am writing here. They do over at writingup.com. Check it out if you'd like. Just click here: http://www.writingup.com?referer=3080 I hope that works, it's the first time I've tried to do the whole hyper-link thing. Now I suppose I should publish this so I can try it out. Unfortunately blogger doesn't seem to be working at this moment. Now I'll just have to keep blithering on while I'm waiting for it to start working again. Lucky You.

Fat Bastard

I pull on my gut and think about what it is to be fat and wonder why I have slid into this abyss. First I think it is because I hurt my back and couldn't really do anything for a while. That doesn't cut it because I wasn't really doing anything before it happened. Than I find myself laying my lard on the depression I have fallen into after selling the restaurant and the failure of the DC restaurant gig to work out, and I suppose that one does work in some ways. I do have a big streak of snacking like crazy when I'm feeling down, but I usually pull myself out in time. After those two, I usually walk the wild side with my secret plot to use my loss of girth as a catalyst for writing a book on losing it and in that I always think that I should be at my closest point to popping before starting the project. Or maybe I'm just made to be the portly king.

What it really comes down to and that I have never admitted to anyone is that I have a real live and true eating disorder. I gorge on snacks for no reason. Maybe I'm thinking that it will ease the pain of having to listen to the dogs barking in my head, but it doesn't. All it leads to is more self-loathing and more eating. I used to pull my own trigger in order to get the food out, but I don't even do that anymore. It hurt my throat too much and just seemed like a really bad idea. Now I just take it in and consume, consume, consume... More later if I can stomach this topic any more.

The Wonderful World of Cabbage

As I sit here in the office chomping on my mid-day meal, I cannot help but marvel at the wonder that is cabbage. Be it red, green, napa or bok choy, I love it. It has texture and body and keeps some oomph even as you leave it in the microwave for a minute or so too long. Not that I condone the use of microwaves, but sometimes it is inevitable; especially when you are faced with a cold pork & chicken burrito. The cheese needs to melt, the rice has to warm up a little bit and the pork needs to change from the texture of a hockey puck. And there in the thick of it all, my red cabbage. It's almost sweet, yet earthy as all get out. I tend to add cabbage to all of my roasts, curries and miscellaneous sautees. Ropa Vieja with green cabbage and pineapples, now you are talking about a scrumptious meal.

Let us not forget that little wonder of a minature cabbage, the brussel sprout. Stop grimmacing and try this: Cut your sprouts in half. Pull off any drooping leaves. Trim the stem. Now sautee in enough H2O to cover half of the sprout & enough butter to cover with a thin layer. Add salt & pepper & maybe a little garlic after about 3 minutes on medium high heat. After all H2O evaporates deglaze the pan with a splash or two of balsamic vinegar. Yum

Random Thought

There is something daunting about leaving behind a safe secure life and heading out into the unknown.  I grew up in a kitchen learning and loving the culinary arts.  Knives, pans and fire were my primary tools.  A shrinking world’s bounty became the palette from which dishes were created.  As the years passed, critical acclaim came and elevated my status as a minor star in the local culinary universe.  Through it all, I remained true to the vision of food that had developed into my personal take on the dining experience.  Nights and days were spent pushing the medium further until I broke free of constraining owners and opened a place of my own.  It was only then that I learned the ugliness of the business and felt the undertow of daily operations draining away the energy that had once exclusively served the food.

Lunch Time

So I'm sitting here at work, spending my lunch hour inside, because it is cold and windy outside. Not my happiest place, but far better than many others I have found myself in through the years.

Built scones this morning and tried sweetening them up a little more. I used this recipe:

3 cups Flour
1 cup Sugar
1 T Baking Power
1/4 tsp. Baking Soda
Pinch Kosher Salt
1/3 cup Heavy Cream
5 T Unsalted Butter
1/2 cup Julienne Dried Apricots
1 Egg
1/4 tsp Vanilla Extract

Now, Maybe they were a little too sweet, but the crowd here at S&P seemed to dig them. In some ways I have to say that by adding more sugar the scones are finally right for the crazed sweet tooth of the American consumer. Next up I'm going savory scone style with cornmeal, cheddar & bacon. I think it will work, but it might take a little finesse along with a mighty splash of trial and error. What the hell I'm up for anything about now.

It's funny, because now that I don't work in a kitchen I find myself wanting to bake rather than prepare ridiculous meals and I don't know why. I've never enjoyed working as a pastry chef, but now I seem to have the patience for it. It's calming for me in many ways. Maybe I'm just getting old.