so maybe this hasn't worked out

I suppose this hasn't exactly worked out the way I had hoped it would. Like usual I have fallen off after making some kind of dramatic plan to get out there and really do it this time. Maybe I was trying to pull off some sort of New Year's resolution. Mostly I think I'm just trying to make writing in my own voice a real routine again.

Since graduating from UVA last May, my writing has been nothing if not spotty and irratic. I'm not generating ideas like I used to simply because I'm not using the part of my little monkey brain that does that kind of work.

Part of it I know is just the whole coming to grips with the identity shift that has accompanied my change from high profile restaurant owner guy to mind mannered editor. I'm currently back to square one. My income is ridiculously low and my job is somewhat menial. That being said, I really am enjoying what I do and at the end of the day it stays in the office. There is no work to take home and nothing hanging on my head. To say it simply, It's what I was looking for.

Another part is that I am currently realizing that my relationship with food is not a very healthy one and I'm not only talking about the fact that I currently find myself more than a little overweight. That lies heavily on the black dog coming around for an extended stay. Need a definition of the black dog? Look into a little Winston Churchill. Why doesn't anyone talk about the fact that WC was 1/2 American? Not that it is that big of deal, but I find it interesting and wonder how it colored his life. I suppose I only wonder because I'm an American and often I find my mind drifting to thoughts about what is it to be american and what happened to the American Dream. I'm pretty sure the American Dream still exists, but only for people in far off lands. Those of us born and bred here can feel that we have missed its hayday and only made it around for the after funeral reality.

Whatever... Oh yeah, my relationship with food has been occupying a chunk of my mind for the last while, because I have finally started to pull it together and look at my obsession with cooking and what drove me to amass as much knowledge and experience with it as I possibly could. In many ways, I feel as though the kitchen has cost me so much in the way of experience, but it has also given me a very different pallate to colour my world by. Yes, I like the "our" in colour it just looks better that way.

Now I have done it written something else. Yee Haw!

Maksim Bread