One Horrible Taste

I have to tell you that there isn't much that scares me as far as food goes. I'll eat anything on land or sea just to see what it's all about. OK maybe not anything, but here is a list of some of the tasty treats I have happily snacked on starting with buffalo testicles and moving on from there. To name a few: Cod Liver, Various Snakes, Gator, Every Kind of Conceivable Sushi, Kudu, Impala, Springbok, Water Buffalo, Wild Boar, Moose, Bear, Dove, Partridge, Snails, Grasshoppers, Live Eels, Pigeon, Squirrel, Lots of Glands, Brains, Kidneys, Organs Galore and plenty more I'd love to tell you about and am having a hard time pulling out of the ether right now. But hands down the absolute funky miserable taste is... Hold on, let me tell you how this all began.

We were out doing a little quick fix shopping earlier since the boy is spending the night with his grandparents. In the process, the wife lets me know that she would like to join some co-workers for a night on the town. I heartily encouraged her and made preparations for a manly alone night with a low-effort-not-so-healthy dinner and a few cocktails while vegetating to the television. I was basically psyched. It has been a long week. I set my sights on some hot italian sausage burgers, Pringles & to top it off something. I don't know what, so in a fit of absolute stupidity I see Blue Diamond Almonds in the BOLD Maui Onion & Garlic Flavor and I think to myself that, "Hey, I like almonds. I'm BOLD, and I like flavor. Maui seems like a nice place, I bet they grow some fine tasting onions. And Garlic is a man's best friend, especially when paired with the salt on an almond." Or so one would think.

So far I have gargled with mouthwash, brushed my teeth twice and now, began to attempt to drown the taste with a drink or two. Nothing works. My mouth is consumed by the worst taste known to man and it will not leave. There is nothing to compare it to unless you are capable of licking yourself like a dog. That, I'm strictly guessing here might come close to the misery my taste buds are currently suffering. I may never recover.

Take my advice, "DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PUT A BLUE DIAMOND ALMONDS BOLD MAUI ONION & GARLIC NUT IN YOUR MOUTH! YOU WILL REGRET IT FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!" I'm starting to wonder if pulling my own trigger and vomiting might make the agony subside, but I think it will only make it worse. Damn you Blue Diamond Almonds!